Could anyone pull apart my disparate wording to form an understanding and impart some grammatical wisdom here?

terë vehtë ninya anguloci hantulya i óma imi morë undumë ninya sáma.

Throughout life my dragons lead/steer me beyond the voices in the dark abyss of my mind.

I'd edit as follows:

Ter coivie hlócenyar tulyar ni han i ómar indonyo morundumesse.
ter coivie hlōce-nya-r tulya-r ni han i ōma-r indo-nya-o mor-undume-sse
lit. "Through life my dragons lead me beyond the voices in my mind's dark abyss."

Absolutely fantastic Röandil, Thank you for your response. I shall dare to venture and stick the 2nd line in if you would be willing to impart your grammatical wisdom. I really need to get through the Ardalambion course but I actually find reading and working backwards through small sentences like this just as informative.

effirienya pella nai ninya sardhoni calya i vanda amalúna lúmeltassen

In death may my 'heart-stones' light the path/way in your darkest hours

The Ardalambion course is fantastic for its time but now outdated in several key places. Take a look through this post for current and reliable learning resource! Your second translated sentence has some of the same errors as the first, so I’d recommend some study, yep. In the meantime, my rendering would be:

Apa ñuru, nai órisarninyar caluvar i tienna amalúna lúmelyassen.
apa ñuru nai ōri-sarn-inya-r cal-uva-r i tie-nna ama-lūna lūme-lya-ssen
lit. “After death, may my heart-stones shine upon the path in your darkest hours.”

Elvish “heart” concepts don’t map exactly onto our own, but I think óre as a guiding conscience or sense of monition is close here. Lúmeltassen is “in their darkest hours”; I’ve gone with second-person polite singular -lya here (cf. Spanish usted, French vous, Italian Lei), but this affix would of course change based on the number and familiarity of addressees.

Röandil, sorry for the delay in responding but once again, thank you for your insight and knowledge. This is great stuff for me.