A Spontaneous Prayer Of Mine

Genie Benie has redacted their comment.

When a translation attempt has a lot of mistakes, rather than addressing all of the issues (which can result in ten paragraphs for even a short sentence, let alone longer attempts like yours), I prefer to offer a new translation from scratch so that neither I nor the submitter would lose time. But since it is clear that you put a lot of effort into this, I did not want to do that (hence my late reply, as I asked other experts how they would approach this before returning). The effort is clear because, while there are some mistakes with even basic stuff, I can also see numerous correct conjugations which are arguably more advanced.

I would rather not get into all of the issues now, but I want to say that if you continue studying and familiarise yourself further with the language, I am sure that you can improve upon this on your own. However it would be easier to study alongside a community of experts and beginners where you can ask about things one at a time as you go on, rather than asking a hundred questions at once (figuratively) by seeking feedback on your work (though there is a "submissions" area as well, to be used when there are few enough problems in the first place). I encourage you to join and study with the sources, and to ask for the help of experts in the group when you need it.